How Not to Get Rid of Your Pet

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I really don't like pets. Cats. Dogs. Mice. Hermit Crabs. Upon further reflection, I like pets .... I just don't like children who don't take care of their own pets. You know what I'm saying?


Let me tell you about my friend's daughter, who has her own thoughts about pets. We were at a birthday party when her dad expressly told her that she had to eat 1/2 hamburger before she got a cupcake. Okay. That's not so bad, right?

As my friend walked away, I sat there watching this precious little girl munch down her chips and beans. She picked at the burger. I glanced as she pushed that burnt crusty patty around her plate. With a snooty look on her face, the burger fell right on the ground. She looked around. My eyes darted to the left. Whew...she did not see me.

Enter the cat. This mangled, dusty and probably starving cat sprinted to the burger on the ground and began feasting. The little girl watched. I watched. (I am trying to control my laughter already.)

The cat had just finished its all-you-can-eat-burnt-patty-buffet when the dad returned. I know we teach our kids not to be a tattletale, but I could not resist. "Hey man, your kid just dropped her burger on the ground and let the cat eat it all."

The blood vessels pumped. The sweat trickled. The inquisition began:

Him: "Baby, did you eat your burger?"
Her: (Pause) ... "No."
Him: "Do you remember what I told you about the cupcake?"
Her: (Pause) ... "Yes."
Him: "So, you know that you are not going to get a cupcake until you eat a burger?"
Her: (Pause) ... "Yes."
Him: "What, then, do you have to do now?"
Her: (Pause) ... (Pause) ... (Pause)... "Eat the cat?"

She said, EAT THE CAT! Too funny.

As parents, we can only teach our children the many lessons of life. Know the difference between right and wrong. Do right. Don't do wrong. Help others. Give more than you receive. Put the toilet seat down. Despite all the teaching, we can never fully prepare ourselves for what our children will say. What's the funniest thing you've heard a kid say?