Another Parenting Lesson: Jesus Doesn't Yell

Saturday, November 28, 2009

It's hard to be a part-time parent. By that, I mean it's hard to work long hours day/night and to occasionally see your family only on the weekends. It's even harder when you take out your work stresses on your family during those limited times you see them. It's worse when you yell at them.

Photo: Pictures by Pwyrdan

My four-year old opened my eyes to my grumpiness last night. You see, I worked all day as the entire rest of the world was off. I came home and started barking commands to the kids to clean up so we could "enjoy the evening together."

Pick up that crayon. And that one. Put that in the trash. Pick up your socks. I told you to fold the blanket. Put the cups in the sink. Do you want to watch this movie with Daddy? Then do as I say, PICK UP!!!

Her precious voice interrupted my loud trumpet: "Dad ... Jesus would not pick up like that."

"I know. He would actually pick up after Himself." I said matter-of-factly.

"No. Not that. He would not yell at us to pick up." She innocently responded.

That was all I needed to hear to be completely, totally and entirely convicted. If you have been one of those parents, you know the feeling. Here is the good news for you and me:

• You are convictable ... meaning you know that there is a difference between good and bad parenting. If you have yelled at your children and realized that what you did was wrong, then there is great hope. If you are a screamer and feel that your actions are always justified (i.e., "They just won't listen."), then you are wrong. But there is still hope for you, too.
• You are changeable ... meaning that you can change your ways. Whether you grew up with yelling parents, or you just fell into the habit recently, you can modify the tone you talk to your children.
• You are in charge ... meaning that you control the situation with your children. Notice that I did not say, "You control your children in all situations." I said, you control the situation. If that means that you need to walk away to find the right tone to talk to them, then take control and walk away.

Here is the take-away: I am called to live a godly life. Every day I fail to meet that standard. Does Christ yell at me when I fail to meet that standard? No. Instead, does his Word encourage me? Yes. With parenting, I am not to change my standard ... I am to encourage my children to meet that standard ... And yelling won't get them there.

How to Make Yourself Look 10 Years Younger

Friday, November 20, 2009

I was out late last night talking with a friend. Actually, we were mapping out our lives for the next year. If all goes as planned, we will be famous, multi-millionaire, speaker-guys ... or bankrupt. Thanks for the great evening, Dr. Brassell.

As I pulled into the garage, I was kinda sad because I knew that I missed bedtime for most of my kids. Of course, Alie would be up reading and I would get at least one kid-hug tonight. I opened the garage door and ... BAM!

There, standing before me, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The long, flowing hair bounced off her shoulders and reached out in an attempt to pull me closer. The rays of light shone from her face as though she were her own galaxy. Our eyes met. Sparkle. She smiled. Sparkle.

I hope my wife does not bust me checking out this woman. Oh, wait, that is my wife. Wow! She looked ten years younger. How did she do that? It must be the thug stalking cap and "Team Edward" t-shirt. Giggling like a fifteen year old school girl, she said: "Honey, I'm going to see the new Twilight movie tonight at midnight with my friends. See you later."


So, how can you make yourself look 10 years younger? For only $20.00, you too can have this look. $10.00 for the t-shirt and $10.00 for the teenage vampire-werewolf love story movie. And there you have it.

Train Up a Child (or Teach Them How to Vomit)

Monday, November 16, 2009

My wife would kill me if she knew that I was telling you this. Don't tell her! (... please ...) That's right, I am going to tell you about discipline and training and chuck.


All afternoon yesterday, my little Addy (4yr) was not feeling well. She had already gotten sick once in the car, had a shower, and spent the evening on the couch. Although we probably surmised that more food might make her sick, she ate dinner nonetheless. Wasn't that bad ... oatmeal. How hard can that ol' quaker dude be on your stomach anyway?

Fast forward two hours. Cough. Cough. Scream. Cough. Gurgle. Gurgle.

I ran into Addy's room. She was crying ... but not talking. She had her hands cupped around her mouth. I ran to her bed and saw that she was gagging. She did not want to get sick in her bed.

I scooped her up in my arms and cradled her to the bathroom. She could have let go. But she did not. Her small, cupping hands held tight to her mouth. As I sat her down on the ground near the toilet, she aimed .... and released. Good girl.

You may find this disgusting, but I was one proud pop. Did you see that? She held tight until she was in the clear. She did not want to get sick in her bed. She did not want to get sick on her Dad. She waited until she could get sick where sick belonged.

We (... I mean my wife ... ) wiped her brow, cleaned her mouth, bathed her, and set her back into bed. Although we had already prayed once, I would later return to Addy's room for an extra prayer. Can't have too many, right?

As I walked out into the dark hallway, I looked over my shoulder to the motionless body. That's what I call disciplined. To us, discipline is everything you put into children that influences how they will fare in the real world. Perhaps out of cleanliness ... perhaps out of laziness ... perhaps out of leadership ... but we have always trained our children (no matter what age) to hold their sickness until they can get to a bathroom. Addy, in her moment of sickness and nausea, could have reacted so many different ways. But she chose to hold on and get sick where sick belonged.

Is that disgusting? Maybe. Are we mean parents? Probably. Is there a lesson in all this talk? Yes. If God can use an evening of sickness to show me that training really does make a difference, then perhaps He can impress upon your mind: "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

Baby Loves 80s | Rock Me Amadeus

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I am sure you have seen many dancing babies before. I am sure you have heard of Greatest Hits of the 80s. But have you seen my baby dancing to the greatest hits of the 80s?



I am going to feature a new dance every few days. Here is the album song list. If you wanna play director, send me your requests.

How Not to Get Rid of Your Pet

I really don't like pets. Cats. Dogs. Mice. Hermit Crabs. Upon further reflection, I like pets .... I just don't like children who don't take care of their own pets. You know what I'm saying?


Let me tell you about my friend's daughter, who has her own thoughts about pets. We were at a birthday party when her dad expressly told her that she had to eat 1/2 hamburger before she got a cupcake. Okay. That's not so bad, right?

As my friend walked away, I sat there watching this precious little girl munch down her chips and beans. She picked at the burger. I glanced as she pushed that burnt crusty patty around her plate. With a snooty look on her face, the burger fell right on the ground. She looked around. My eyes darted to the left. Whew...she did not see me.

Enter the cat. This mangled, dusty and probably starving cat sprinted to the burger on the ground and began feasting. The little girl watched. I watched. (I am trying to control my laughter already.)

The cat had just finished its all-you-can-eat-burnt-patty-buffet when the dad returned. I know we teach our kids not to be a tattletale, but I could not resist. "Hey man, your kid just dropped her burger on the ground and let the cat eat it all."

The blood vessels pumped. The sweat trickled. The inquisition began:

Him: "Baby, did you eat your burger?"
Her: (Pause) ... "No."
Him: "Do you remember what I told you about the cupcake?"
Her: (Pause) ... "Yes."
Him: "So, you know that you are not going to get a cupcake until you eat a burger?"
Her: (Pause) ... "Yes."
Him: "What, then, do you have to do now?"
Her: (Pause) ... (Pause) ... (Pause)... "Eat the cat?"

She said, EAT THE CAT! Too funny.

As parents, we can only teach our children the many lessons of life. Know the difference between right and wrong. Do right. Don't do wrong. Help others. Give more than you receive. Put the toilet seat down. Despite all the teaching, we can never fully prepare ourselves for what our children will say. What's the funniest thing you've heard a kid say?

I'm Not Right! And You Are?

Monday, November 09, 2009

This weekend someone told me: "You're not right! .... We still gonna be your friend, but you ain't right!"

For the record, that is not me (above). That is someone else who is not right! Every time some says that I am not right, I generally embrace it. I love my ain't-right-ness.

Upon further reflection, I wanna know who came up with right-ness anyway? It certainly wasn't Matthew Paul Turner: THAT GUY IS NOT RIGHT! (...Something tells me that Matt loves his ain't-right-ness, too...) Now that I pointed you to Matt's site, I am sure that I will offend any number of you, which, again, makes me not right in your eyes. Well, here are a few of my top That'sNotRight for the week:

1. Jesus Pics of the Day ... by Matt ... again ... good one!
2. Conservatives for Palin ... Are there any others?
3. Twitter + God = ChristianChirp.com. Apparently, some hackers shut it down, perhaps thinking it wasn't right either.

After checking out these sites, if you think I am not right (...and assume that I am not right...), then think about what I think about you. You laughed at least once. You ain't right, either!